I carpooled up to the retreat with three other ladies. It was a beautiful drive up through hills of green that were dotted with elk, horses and cattle. Then we reached the Rocky Mountains where tall snowy peaks against a clear blue sky along with pine trees and flowing creeks dazzled our eyes. We arrived at the lodge where we were greeted by cheerful faces, a warm fire and lots of food. After dinner we gathered in a meeting room to worship, hear a message and then we broke up into small groups. After that it was bedtime.
The next morning we arose to bountiful breakfast. After breakfast we were given a list of scripture verses and we had an hour of silence. Everyone spent time by themselves seeking the Lord and meditating on the verses. It was a very blessed hour for me. Afterward we met for worship, a message and then we broke into small groups again. Next was lunch and then we had free time. I went into Estes Park with three other ladies, we had a good time walking around town and shopping. We came back to the lodge in time for dinner and a fun night of playing games.
The next morning we rose to a hot breakfast in the lodge cafeteria, then we went back to the meeting room where we worshiped. Many ladies stood up in the meeting and shared how much they had been blessed. On the way home a few of us ladies had lunch together in Estes Park. On the ride home it was snowing and we marveled at the dusting of snow on the pine trees. I said it looked like powdered sugar. Krista who was driving (an amazing woman - she is a baker by profession - also an artist, photographer and bongo player) said that powdered sugar is a wonderful trick to hiding flaws in cakes, etc. I then said that reminded me of the blood of Christ, which makes us white as snow and covers all our imperfections. Krista said she would never look at powdered sugar the same.
Unfortunately, on the drive home my tummy began to hurt really bad. It got worse when I got home. Monday I did not feel well, so I stayed home and rested my body and my tummy. I am thinking more and more about having surgery. Trying to build up the courage to call my endo doctor and schedule a date.
As for the boys, Eric got accepted by the alternative high school. However, neither him nor Mark wants to go that route. So we are going to a meeting about on-line schooling. I was able to talk to some women at the retreat about homeschooling. The school they told me about is quite a distance away. They did tell me about the on-line schooling saying it was a good program (although not Christian). So I think we are going to go that route and we are hoping that the boys will continue working at bringing and keeping their grades up.
I also did some reading on-line trying to get some help for my strong feelings concerning my boys and found this writing below which is by Heather Forbes:
"In order to be a sponge, the only action we need to take is to simply be present with our child
(or friend, spouse, coworker).
It is not up to us to make this person better. The reality is that we cannot change or fix another person. We can surround them with support; we can love them unconditionally, free of judgment or control; we can set appropriate boundaries, and we can align with their pain. Yet in doing this, it is still ultimately up to them to make their life work.
Additionally, if we enter into an interaction with a child, expecting him to be better, we are actually adding more stress to the equation, which will create more fear and hinder the healing process. We must stay focused on giving our love without expecting anything in return. That is the essential definition of love"
